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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28310757">up and away</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyoop/pseuds/royalgreen'>royalgreen (allyoop)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Books, Comfort No Hurt, Complete, Confessions, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship is Magic, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Magic, Mutual Pining, Napping, Overthinking, Pining, Romantic Fluff, Schmoop, Study Date, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, background relationships: implied beauyasha and fjorester, spoilers for Eiselcross episodes, the boys are YEARNING tonight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:35:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,988</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28310757</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyoop/pseuds/royalgreen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Essek has come to help the Mighty Nein with studying a mystery. And if this study session becomes something a little bit more with Caleb... well that certainly would be a pleasant daydream brought to life.</p><p>(Warning: fic contains lots of wizardly yearning.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>221</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Arrival</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy Winterscrest everyone! Shout out to the shadowgast fandom for keeping me sane in the wild year of 2020, so here's our two favorite pining wizards as a gift to you all.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“<em>E</em><em>ssek!</em>”</p><p>Few things could make Essek stop mid-task, his attention immediately diverted, but Jester’s voice was a rare and special occurrence.</p><p>“<em>We need your help, please, it's too big and we don’t understand enough, and it's...scary. Somnovem, Cognouza, Nonagan...do you know? Can you-</em>”</p><p>His start of a smile at hearing her familiar voice had immediately creased into a frown. Gone was her usual playful tone and wasting of words on pleasantries and jokes. She sounded serious. </p><p>Essek wasted no time with a reply. “Of course Jester, I will do my best to help...I don’t know those names, but I can research. Should we meet in person?”</p><p>There was a long pause, minutes accumulating enough for Essek to glance back down at the papers strewn on his desk and wonder if he should return to his duties. There were so many lingering details to iron out before he travelled north, but Jester’s words pulled his attention away from work. Names he didn’t recognize. So often the Mighty Nein found themselves deep in something unexpected and unsafe; that is certainly how they had stumbled into the court of the Bright Queen with no plan at all. But they always discovered an improbable way out. </p><p> </p><p>It had been too long. All luck had to run out sometime. Maybe something went wrong and Jester <em> couldn't </em> send another message, maybe she had been hurt, maybe they were all hurt and-</p><p>Essek stood up from his desk suddenly, a decision easily made. He needed to scry. If he could find her, then he could see what the danger was and teleport to them if-</p><p>“<em>I made you wait, sorry! We had to talk about some stuff, because </em> someone <em> isn’t sure if-</em>” there was an awkward pause, Essek started to wonder if something distracting had happened again. “ <em> Keep research a secret...scry to meet us?</em>”</p><p>Essek sighed. The word limitations of the spell certainly made communication difficult. He looked at the unfinished work on his desk and pointedly turned away. He could return to it later. There was only a little left to double and triple check, preparations were almost through, and he had other priorities now.</p><p>It was a good sign, he thought as he set up his scrying spell, that they asked for this rather than assume he would already be peeking in on the Bright Queen’s orders. They trusted him enough to ask for his help again. </p><p>The scry connected clearly; the Nein’s welcome desire to be found probably helped, and Essek could see all seven of his friends huddled around a deep orange fire, it’s flames impossibly strong against the surrounding white snow and windswept surroundings. Caleb’s touch, he was sure. There was a journal open in Jester’s lap and Essek let out a surprised laugh at how clever she had been. With the ease of their connection, Essek’s scrying eye could read the words she had written on the page.</p><p>They offered no comfort and Essek’s smile melted again. He knew where they were. It was shockingly close to where he was planning to be in just a few days’ time. It was too much of a coincidence, too unsettling, although it was convenient. He wouldn’t even have to lie to his cohorts; just simply arrive early.</p><p>
  <em> Eiselcross. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>With a jolt Essek realized he technically had not responded to Jester’s second message. He hoped it had not been too long. “I see you and I can find you, but….I apologize, I cannot go tonight. I will check in again tomorrow….I will bring books?”</p><p>He did not want to leave them in the cold, slowed down on whatever journey they had begun, but both lack of magic and opportunity grounded him tonight. Tomorrow he could help though, tomorrow he could see them in person.</p><p>Essek returned to his desk with renewed focus. He needed to complete this work quickly, as he had a new research project to begin.</p><p> </p><p>~*~*~</p><p> </p><p>“He is coming?”</p><p>Jester dropped her sketchbook back into her bag and smiled at Caleb. “Yup! He sounds like he totally misses us and wants to come right away, but something is stopping him tonight. But he’ll bring lots of big juicy books when he comes.” She gave Caleb a big wink.</p><p>Caleb ignored it, or didn’t see it. He was staring into the flames of the fire, a thoughtful expression on his face.</p><p>“Didn’t Vess say magic like that is a bad idea?” Fjord asked.</p><p>“Eh, he’ll be fine.” Beau shrugged. “Essek is like a super wizard or something. Remember he got us right outside Caduceus’s lagoon with barely a description?” </p><p>“That was handy of him.” Caduceus smiled.</p><p>Veth prodded Caleb’s ankle with her foot. “You’re just as powerful, right Lebbie?”</p><p>“Hmm?” He looked up, his thoughts one step behind the conversation. “Oh, no, not quite yet. I still have much to learn before I am on a level with Essek.”</p><p>“Ooh, well good thing he seemed so willing to teach you all his special spells, right?” Jester sent Caleb her second wink of the night. He fought to keep his face neutrally pleasant in response. Jester could pick up on the smallest whiff of romantic possibility from a mile away, but for Caleb those thoughts were too fraught with complications right now.</p><p>“Is the orb gone, Fjord?” Jester turned towards him.</p><p>He nodded. “It came right over to your sketchbook and then left. I guess there’s always a possibility it was...someone else but-”</p><p>“Did it <em> feel </em> really spooky? Like it was out to get us? Or was it kinda friendly looking?” </p><p>“Aren’t all floating invisible eyes kind of spooky?” Beau asked. “There’s nothing pleasant about them.”</p><p>“Gosh, I wonder what I look like when I scry, do you think it's literally like my eye,” and Jester circled her fingers around her eye like a telescope. “Just one big Jester eye, and that’s how you know it's me?”</p><p>“Well, from what I can see of other people’s spells, it's just a hazy looking orb.” Fjord sheathed his sword, and held up a fist. “A ball shape, about this size.”</p><p>“Fjord, can you teach me to see them too, is it a spell?” Jester looked excited.</p><p>“Oh, uh, the sword helps me, I’m not sure if I-”</p><p>“I bet you could, you’re a good teacher-”</p><p>Veth prodded Caleb again, talking over them. “So, tower again tonight?”</p><p>“Of course.” Caleb stood up and started fetching the components from his bag. “I will set it up now. Any special requests to be changed tonight?”</p><p>“Oh! Oh, yes, um...” Yasha stepped over and leaned towards Caleb, whispering something in his ear. Beau tried to look nonchalant but kept her ears tilted towards the conversation, trying to catch the gist.</p><p>Caleb smiled and nodded. “Easy, I can do that. Anyone else?”</p><p>“Super hot water for the bath, and more of that fun bubble stuff.” Veth stomped her boot against the ground, knocking off a layer of ice. “Have I mentioned how much I hate this weather?”</p><p>“Only twice today.” Fjord grinned at her.</p><p>She smiled but it looked like a warning. “Hey, what did you say? Can you lean over and repeat that?”</p><p>“Oh no, I’m not falling for that again. What did you put in that snowball earlier?” Fjord rubbed at his head, checking to see if there was a lingering bruise. </p><p>Veth shrugged. “Frozen ice is technically snow.”</p><p>“No, I don’t think that-”</p><p>Caleb interrupted. “Home is ready.” He gestured at the now-familiar glowing door. Everyone filed in with a spring in their step, happy to go someplace warm and comforting after their day of freezing travel. Caleb was last to step in, taking one final bracing breath of cold air to fill his lungs. Essek would be here soon. And Caleb still hadn’t figured out, well, anything.</p><p> </p><p>~*~*~</p><p> </p><p>Essek was glad he didn’t require sleep, as it made working through the night much easier. His duties to the Dynasty were mostly tedious, but everything after the peace talks has been peppered with tiny pitfalls he couldn’t risk tripping on, otherwise it all could unravel again. While he was certain his past activities were still unknown by any member of the court, otherwise he’d already be dead, his leash had been inconveniently tightened. His new assignments required staying in Eiselcross and researching ancient magics, which ostensibly should have delighted him, but he knew this was still a race against all the other interested parties in Aeor. And Essek wanted to stay as far away from the Empire and their tendrils, lest he bump into any old acquaintances he’d rather forget. </p><p>But that is where he was assigned, and where the Nein were traveling, and so that is where he will go. </p><p>The rest of his evening and early dawn hours were spent pouring through his personal library for any mention of those strange names Jester had said. There wasn’t time enough to search every individual book and scroll, but he gathered all he had on the Dynasty’s presence in the north, any of their research into Eiselcross and Aeor, and whatever else he could find on short notice. He couldn't risk a visit to the Marble Tomes, not without raising suspicion, but he hoped it would be enough. Essek smiled to himself as he carefully stacked everything inside his dimensional pocket. Here he was trying so hard to stay alive in the Dynasty by keeping his past treachery hidden, and yet he was packing up clandestine research findings like it meant nothing. But Jester had sounded <em> scared </em>, and Essek’s lack of knowledge about these words unsettled him, so in the end there was no alternate decision he could see. The Nein were his friends, rare in number in this world, and he wanted to help.</p><p>But first, he had to travel.</p><p>This was not a minor inconvenience, it was a rather large issue. Essek’s original travel itinerary involved a little bit of teleportation, but the last leg of the journey to his assigned outpost was to be done by boat. It was safer for both himself, as magic went sideways the further north you go, and for the secrecy of the outpost’s water-top location, which shifted on the sea from day to day. Time seemed to be of the essence so a slow boat trip was entirely out of the question. </p><p>He needed to know where they were going today. He traced a symbol in the air and cleared his throat. “Jester, it is early, I apologize. Where will you be traveling today? I do not know if I can teleport directly....where...place to meet?” Essek sighed and rubbed his face. He really did hate the word limits, and could hardly wait to be able to speak face to face again.</p><p>Her reply took a little while, and with a stifled laugh, Essek realized he must have woken her. Ah, how the circumstances have flipped.</p><p>“<em>Essssekkk, good morning...We just left Balenpost yesterday, we’re trying to go to A5, oh, um, oh no! That probably doesn’t mean anything to you-</em>”</p><p>Her message cut off, out of words. Essek paused. He wasn’t sure if he should contact her again, or wait for her to reach out. After a minute, he raised a hand to try the spell again but her bright cheery voice cut through his thoughts.</p><p>“<em>I think we’re someplace you won’t be able to see us right now, but I dunno how this works, it’s Caleb’s thing…. Call you later?” </em></p><p>Complication upon complication. What did Jester mean by that? How much later? Essek pinched the bridge of his nose where the beginnings of a headache was forming from all his late night research. “Of course. I can arrange to be more nearby than Xhorhas today, that will help. I found some information for you. And...please stay safe.”</p><p> </p><p>Essek kept his plans rolling ahead, despite the pit of anxiety and impatience building inside. He expedited his paperwork off to the proper envoys, and descended his tower and onto the street with extra speed to his step. This was a dangerous journey if he were to attempt it in one jump, and too-slow if he tried it safely. In his preparations last night he had found the only balance of choice that there could be: he would take the Bastion’s teleportation circle to its most northern (and secret) twin to shorten the distance, from there he would have to go in disguise and risk teleporting into Balenpost. And then, well, Essek hoped the Nein wouldn't have traveled too far past the walls. </p><p> </p><p>~*~*~</p><p> </p><p>Jester plopped down at the kitchen table and pulled the overflowing platter of pancakes towards her plate. It was after a few bites of syrupy pancake and strawberry jam that she spoke.<br/>“Oh! Essek called earlier.”</p><p>Caleb’s head lifted a few inches from where he was reading a book under the table.</p><p>“What did he have to say? Is he going to help us?” Beau pulled the platter down the table towards herself.</p><p>“Mmhmm!” Jester affirmed through her full mouth. “But Caleb, what’s the deal with this tower? Can he scry on us? Can he see us in here? How long does the tower last anyways, can Essek hang out with us for a while or is there not a lot of time left?”</p><p>Caleb closed his book with a smile. “One thing at a time. Essek says he will come today?” She nodded. “Well, the tower is here for twenty-four full hours, but after our sleep, there is only fifteen hours left. It is not a long time to research, depending on the amount of work he is bringing to us.”</p><p>“Fifteen hours of research?” Veth sighed. “What are the rest of us gonna do while you two read?”</p><p>“I had hoped it would be all hands on deck. I fear we do not have as much time as we would like, before there is another group at our heels.”</p><p>There was a moment of tense silence, the camaraderie of breakfast broken momentarily.</p><p>“You’re right, we don’t have a lot of time.” Fjord said. “We’re already anchored here, and it's probably the only warm place on the whole continent, so let's take the day to study up and plan our next move.”</p><p>Caleb looked back at Jester. “He won’t be able to see us in here, we’ll need someone to stand outside the door to assist his scry.”</p><p>Beau grinned. “Boulder, parchment, shears?”</p><p>“There’s too many of us, this can only go badly.” Veth raised her hand, ready for the game.</p><p>Caduceus set his tea down on the table, getting ready to play.</p><p>Yasha stood up. “I don’t mind the cold much, I can do it.”</p><p>Jester raised the hand still holding her fork, sending crumbs flying. “And I can call Essek right now, tell him to look for you!”</p><p>“Yasha, thank you.” Caleb nodded at her. “We can leave the door ajar, it won’t interfere with the magic warmth of the interior, and if you see trouble you can simply call out.”</p><p>“I’ll hang out in the entrance with you,” Beau offered. “We can talk. Or, uh, whatever. Something to pass the time if Essek takes forever getting here.”</p><p>“I’d like that,” Yasha nodded. “Yes.”</p><p>Jester was smiling behind her hand, trying not to giggle as her friends left to go outdoors. Veth poked her. “Oh! Oh yes, I’ll call him right now to let him know this stuff. Fjord?”</p><p>He raised his fingers as was the old routine between them now. “Here to help.”</p><p>“Hi Essek! Caleb made us a magic tower but it won’t last all day, so hurry! Yasha will be outside, find her, find us!”</p><p>Fjord gave Jester a thumbs up. “Perfect.”</p><p>Caleb waved over a few of the cats. “Fritzi, Arlo, bring tea for eight to the library. And a few of the leftovers as snacks. Ah, and a couple extra blankets for the couch.”</p><p>Veth raised one eyebrow. “You thinking Essek might be cold after coming through the snow to see us?”</p><p>“Ah, no, just being a good host. A library is more comfortable when at its coziest.”</p><p>Jester stifled another giggle. Then jumped up from her seat. Essek’s reply had popped into her head. “He’s already on his way! He thinks he can be here real soon, if it goes well. I wonder what he’s doing to get here?”</p><p>“Teleporting seems to be his usual choice.” Caduceus suggested.</p><p>Caleb frowned. Essek was an excellent spellcaster, but even so, he couldn’t help but be concerned they might be costing Essek something dear to attempt this journey. He wondered what Jester had said to convince him so, or was it really just the persuasive strength of their friendship? Caleb shoved that worry back down; there was no changing the plan now, not when they needed extra help so badly and Essek was already on route. He headed from the kitchen up to the library, needing something to do. He could start pulling whatever scraps of information out of the books he already had. With luck, when Essek arrived he would bring the missing piece to the puzzle Caleb had been searching for. </p><p> </p><p>~*~*~</p><p> </p><p>Beau stopped mid-sentence, her posture immediately tensing. Yasha raised a hand to the sword in her sheath. </p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Someone is coming.” Beau whispered. </p><p>Yasha pulled her blade out silently, drawing into position beside Beau. </p><p>There was a flicker of something approaching. It was hard to see anything against the bright glare of the sun on the snow, but as the seconds trickled by, it became more obvious that there was a shape getting closer and closer. </p><p>“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I wish we had Frumpkin right now.” Beau muttered. “I wanna see what it is before it’s too close.”</p><p>“I could throw my sword at it.” Yasha grinned.</p><p>“Hmm,” Beau considered. “Not yet, but keep that idea in your pocket.”</p><p>A few more minutes passed and they could now pick out details. It was a figure in a large pale grey coat, hard to see against the snow, and a long scarf billowing out from them. There was a sound in the wind.</p><p>“Is it saying-?” Beau looked surprised.</p><p>The figure called out again, half the words blown away in the wind. “--<em> ek </em> - <em> -sha? --lo? </em>”</p><p>“I think it’s saying my name?” Yasha stepped forward and raised her sword. </p><p>Beau stuck her head in the doorway and shouted in. “Something is here!” She turned back towards the figure, readying her stance. “State who you are and what you want, this is a warning!”</p><p>The figure jogged forward, seemingly finding her words welcoming. Then seeing Yasha’s sword glinting in the sun and Beau’s raised fists, they stopped before fully approaching. They reached up and pulled the hood of the coat down, revealing mousy brown hair, a tanned human complexion, and a relieved looking smile. </p><p>“It was so hard to find you out here!” They called out.</p><p>Beau looked startled. “Who are you? Who sent you?”</p><p>“Oh! Apologies.” The stranger raised a hand and traced a few fingers in the air before Beau or Yasha could react to the casting of magic. But there was never any harm intended; the visage of the person before them simply melted away, revealing the familiar white hair and slightly paler than normal face of Essek. </p><p>“Jester mentioned a magic tower? Is it warm?” </p><p>Beau laughed. “You know Caleb, there’s a fireplace in every room.”</p><p>Essek walked forward, looking deeply relieved to see the appearance of the glowing doorway beside Yasha and Beau. “Thank the Light,” he muttered as he stepped inside the gloriously warm interior. “I would very much like to never walk in snow again for a long, long time.”</p><p>“Couldn’t you just float?” Veth leaned out from behind a cabinet in the foyer, the crossbow in her hand still pointing at Essek in the doorway.</p><p>“Well yes, normally, but this time,” there was a little pain in Essek’s smile. “I was in disguise as an Empire human. Unfortunately, I could not risk it.”</p><p>Fjord raised his sword, peering at Essek. “Are we sure it’s really him? And not a trick?”</p><p>The aperture in the ceiling opened and Caleb floated down, a flame readied in his hand for any potential intruder. It dimmed a little as he locked eyes with Essek.</p><p>“You came. And quite quickly.” His voice was carefully neutral.</p><p>“Caleb.” Essek nodded in greeting, like this was a perfectly normal day. “I brought books.”</p><p>Jester nudged Fjord and leaned in to whisper. “Yeah, that’s definitely him.” There was a soft smile tugging at Essek’s lips the longer he stared at Caleb. </p><p>Caleb doused his flame and took a few steps forward. “Ah, sehr gut, shall we? I thought the library would be the room of choice for our endeavors.”</p><p>“Well,” Essek looked around the room, taking in the stained glass windows, the intricate flooring, appearing more and more impressed as he turned. “This… Caleb, your magic, I am… is there time for a tour?”</p><p>“Oh,” there was a pink flush starting on Caleb’s cheeks. “We are so pressed for time, so unfortunately, not now, we cannot. But perhaps...after? If there is time. I do not know how much you have brought us.”</p><p>Veth groaned. “You two use so many words to say nothing.” She hopped into the center of the room. “Lebbie, you need to get better at flirting. <em> Up! </em>”</p><p>Essek had no time to react to that as he was immediately distracted by Veth sailing upwards into the ceiling. </p><p>Caleb gestured towards the center of the room, not quite meeting Essek’s eyes. “The library is on a different floor. As demonstrated, just say ‘<em> up’ </em> and away you will go.” </p><p>Essek approached, looking upwards with a smile. “Floating. Whatever gave you that clever idea?”</p><p>Caleb thought he might have seen a wink from Essek, or perhaps it was just a twinkle of the firelight, as Essek spoke ‘<em> up’ </em> and ascended gracefully towards the next floor. Caleb wanted to reply, to volley back and forth with Essek in the way only the two of them could. He had missed him, Caleb could admit this to himself, but he wasn’t sure if he was brave enough to speak that truth to Essek’s face. </p><p>Caleb followed quickly up, seeing the trailing end of Essek’s scarf disappear out of view in the aperture and not wanting him to linger too long without a guide. There was no time to view every floor of the tower, although the idea of leading Essek through each magical floor held great appeal, but the library was the very heart of the tower and Caleb could not take him there without a special tour.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Landing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was, for a few hours, a group affair. Beau had piled the table with her own personal journals and pulled a chalkboard to the front of the room. It was soon filled with every piece of information they knew and suspected, with a few supplementary illustrations courtesy of Jester. Fjord unrolled his maps across the table, the corners held down by paperweights and knickknacks from the shelves. And there were many, many books. Essek had emptied his storage onto a table, and Caleb’s eyes grew larger as more books tumbled out. He ran his finger across a couple spines, looking delighted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have not read any of these before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek started organizing the books on the table into two piles. “I would hope not, many of these are from my personal collection and are, shall we say, not for eyes other than the Shadowhand’s own.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veth looked impressed. “Are you doing something risky bringing these to us?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek shrugged. “As I have learned, some risks are worth it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester grinned. “So true! Friends are totally worth it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah,” Essek smiled, looking down at the book in his hand. “Yes, it seems so. Well, these-” and he gestured at the small stack on the left. “Are all the books in Common. And this-” he waved a hand at the larger pile. “Are all the books in Undercommon, Elvish, and a few others. We should split the work accordingly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau picked up a few from the larger stack with a grin. “I’ve learned a few things since we last saw each other.” She settled down on a couch near the chalkboard and gestured at Yasha to join. “You can help me take notes!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester sighed. “I don’t really want to read these boring kinds of books. What else can I help with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could help me with the maps. Or maybe you can draw a picture of Lucien? We can ask Essek if he’s ever seen him or his friends before.” Fjord suggested.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ooh, I may have one drawn already!” She started flipping through her sketchbook.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus picked up one of the books in Elvish. “Some of this will probably go right over my head, but I can still try.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord picked up a book too. “Me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb looked around the group. “There is not as much time as we would like, so while I am sure much of this information will be fascinating, and I thank you for bringing it to us,” he inclined his head at Essek. “Try to skim the research for any mentions of Aeor or related subjects first.” He sat down on the couch closest to the books and pulled a pile towards himself. He gestured at the seat beside him for Essek to sit down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek sat down, keeping to the other edge of the couch. He had so many questions for his friends and for Caleb. Why were they in Eiselcross? What have they found themselves tangled up in now? Caleb had already started flipping through a book and Essek couldn't bring himself to interrupt with small talk. So instead Essek grabbed one of the more promising books and began reading. After a few minutes Caleb glanced up and caught his eye.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Essek,” He pointed at a page in the book. “This part, can you clarify when the Dynasty first discovered this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek leaned over trying to see the book in Caleb’s lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A smile tugged at Caleb’s lips. “You can sit closer, I will not bite.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, forgive me,” Essek moved down the couch until he was right beside Caleb. “The last time we saw each other it was… and I was unsure how you felt about...” He left the sentence unfinished, although he knew Caleb could fill in correctly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something wistful and tense mingled in Caleb’s expression. “I understand, and I hope when we have a moment...we can talk. But,” and he tapped the page again. “Help me decipher this first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek read over Caleb’s shoulder. It was a dense passage, relating to the magical experiments the Dynasty had conducted with their findings from Aeor. It was how they knew with certainty the age of the ruins in Eiselcross and the properties in the surrounding areas that played ill with magic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There is another book that can provide further insight, I believe it chronologically details every experiment rather than that overview.” Essek looked through the pile before him and pulled out the right book. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb took it from him. “Thank you, and Essek,” he shifted slightly until his leg bumped against Essek’s knee. “Perhaps to save time you should stay close to me. I mean, I am sure to have more questions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course, Caleb.” He smiled and held Caleb’s gaze. It had been so long, but his eyes were just as blue as he remembered, and just as sad. But the crinkle as Caleb smiled, the little freckles across his cheeks, the pink that seemed to flush whenever he looked Essek’s way; that was what Essek had missed most of all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the hours passed, tea and snacks turned into a meal, one chalkboard turned into two, and their gathered information went from shaky into something optimistically solid. Jester asked the cats to bring in some cupcakes as a celebration as they filled in the last inch of blank space on the second chalkboard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb glanced at the stack of books on the table. While it was severely dwindled, there were still books that remained unread. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It seems too early to celebrate quite yet, there could be more to learn.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Beau sighed and sat up from where she was leaning against Yasha with a book held between them. “Can’t we take a well deserved break? Not everyone likes spending all day with books like you do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb smiled. “Don’t you pretend Beauregard, I have seen you in libraries.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She did an overly dramatic eye roll in response. “I like </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> books, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veth closed the book she was currently reading in favor of the cupcake Jester handed her. “These are the driest things I’ve ever read. Does the Dynasty not have a sense of humor?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t see how magical research could ever be presented humorously.” Essek said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know what I mean,” she said between bites. “Jazz it up with some action scenes. Like, magic goes wild out here but there’s no details about the weirdest accidents? No one being turned into little frogs? Or teleporting on top of a yeti or something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I wanna read those!” Jester exclaimed. “Essek, have you heard any stories like that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not particularly,” He began. “Embarrassing accidents would likely stay secret, and the deadly ones, well, those become cautionary tales.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester handed him a cupcake and passed one to Caleb too. “Well, I am very glad you did not turn into a frog on your way here. I bet you’d be super cute and tiny, but you’re way more helpful when you’re yourself. We like you just like this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek could not fight the bright smile from growing on his face. Jester’s easy words of friendship had that effect.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester skipped down to the next table to present Fjord and Caduceus with cupcakes. Caleb turned to face Essek, his gaze lingering for a moment before speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She is always very good at being forthright, saying what many of us are thinking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that I would be cute as a frog?” Essek’s smile had not dimmed yet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb laughed. “Jester is not wrong, although I believe you are…plenty cute as you are.” The flush was back on his cheeks. “It is true, we are very glad you are here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek raised one eyebrow, thoughts and words racing to be said. Once again, he felt weighed down with all that he wanted to ask Caleb, but the timing and crowded company felt all wrong. There was a smile on Caleb’s face though, he was seated so close and not pulling away, and his hand was resting mere inches away from Essek’s own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Caleb, I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey Lebbie, what time is it now?” Veth called out across the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb gestured towards a wall clock hanging not too far away from Veth’s sitting position.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, better question. How much longer do we have?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” he turned away from Essek to address the group. “The tower’s magic will end in six and a half hours.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happens when it ends?” Fjord asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We will be deposited outside.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit.” Beau groaned. “I don’t want to be surprise dropped in a snowbank.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And when can you make our home again?” Jester asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb sighed. “Once a day, so it will be many hours before I can prepare the spell again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should take a nap or rest a little. It might be awhile before we can sit down like this again.” Fjord gestured at the chalkboard. “This is some great stuff, but it looks like our next stop is a long hike away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Veth stood up. “I am taking a hot bath, maybe I’ll ask a cat for a little wine digestif, and then it is nap time for me. If you nerds keep reading, wake me up if you find a cool action scene.” She walked off towards the aperture with a grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, a nap sounds good.” Yasha said. She glanced at Beau as she stood up and walked away. Beau immediately started looking around the table for her journal. She grabbed it, scribbled a few sentences, tore off a corner of a page to stick in her current book as a bookmark, and followed after. Caleb remembered Yasha’s request yesterday and tried not to smile too broadly. At least someone was enjoying all that the tower could provide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester popped the last of her cupcake into her mouth. “I’m going to head upstairs too, I’m pretty pooped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even after all that sugar?” Fjord teased.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pointed at the two full chalkboards. “That was a lot of work to do! And all that thinking about ruins and magic and weird ancient people. I don’t normally spend all day thinking about heavy stuff like that. It takes a lot out of a person!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get what you’re saying.” Fjord poked at the biggest book sitting in front of him. “I don’t have the focus to read any more of this. You want to do something different, like play a game? Caleb, you have cards somewhere in this tower, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well if it's cards you want,” Jester grinned. “I have Molly’s tarot cards. I can totally give you a reading. I’m always super accurate, maybe it’ll help us with our path ahead too!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fjord smiled. “Sure, sounds great. Your room, or uh, mine?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jester giggled and stepped towards the center of the room with a wink. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Up!</span>
  </em>
  <span> Come on, Fjord!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caduceus looked over towards Essek and Caleb. Or rather, he stared for a long moment at how Essek and Caleb were carefully not looking at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ll go make some tea.” He said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, the cats can do that.” Caleb started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, it’s fine I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s a rope pull in here, it’ll summon them and-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I like making tea.” Caduceus interrupted him. “It’s a calming routine to do. It’ll be how I take a break.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, okay.” Caleb could not think of an argument. And he didn’t want to say why he didn’t want to be alone with Essek. There was nothing to be done and Caduceus stepped towards the aperture and disappeared to the kitchen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A moment passed in silence. Then another.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you want to...read more?” Essek asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Caleb answered quickly, relieved. Reading took his mind off of other matters.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek looked at the piles on the table. “I must say, I thought you would be a quicker reader. You usually seem to have such appetite for any books of magic.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb smiled, but there was a tinge of embarrassment. “I admit it has been very difficult to skim read. These-,” and he swept his arm around at the library shelves. “Are all memorized copies of everything I have read. The temptation to add more to my shelves, and with rare books like yours, it is proving a hard one to fight. I am trying to memorize as much as I can in this one day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Well, then I am happy to provide.” Essek’s warm expression fell. It did not escape Caleb’s notice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do you look like that?” Caleb asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it is silly.” Essek shook his head. “I had presumed too much, even knowing my own circumstances wouldn’t allow it to happen. But I had assumed…you would have more than this one day to spend with my books.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Information clicked into place in Caleb’s mind. “You thought… you could stay with us for longer.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had hoped. I know this friendship has not been… smooth. I know what I have done. But still I thought I could come along, perhaps for a little while. Maybe Jester has not stressed it enough when she passes along my messages, but I do truly want to help.” Essek looked right into Caleb’s eyes. “Anything I am able to do, I will offer freely. You have all given me so much already.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb swallowed hard. The books were not providing the distraction he needed right now. Essek was </span>
  <em>
    <span>right here</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so close, too close, it could be so easy but it wasn’t at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Essek.” He said instead. “I am glad you are here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am glad you called.” Essek replied, words full of sincerity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb pulled his gaze away, forcing himself to look down at the books remaining in the pile. “There are not too many more, shall we keep going?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Essek nodded and pulled another book towards himself. He then reached back into his dimensional pocket and pulled out a few fresh sheets of blank paper, two feather pens, and an ink pot. “I believe with Beau and Jester otherwise occupied, we shall be taking our own notes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb took a pen from him gratefully. “A very wise idea. Beau would be quite distraught if we discovered anything important without her and kept no record.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They returned to a near silent reading, the scratch of pen and paper a constant soft murmur in the background. Caleb didn’t have many questions for Essek regarding his current book, and to be honest some of his early queries had been exaggerated just to bring Essek sitting closer on the couch, leaning over to help, offering Caleb a smile and smart words. Caleb knew he was foolish, there were certainly better ways to get Essek’s attention, but perhaps it was as Veth had said. He was a terrible flirt when it mattered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it did matter.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This wasn’t a mission, or a task, or a goal to be achieved. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked</span>
  </em>
  <span> Essek, as messy and fraught as it was. Caleb had realized this weeks earlier, perhaps known for months, and it had been information he had laid aside to be dealt with later. There was usually a life and death matter ahead in importance. But now this was a bit of rare quiet downtime, and Essek was right beside him, but still… Caleb did not know what to do.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hours ticked by, book pages turned, the cats fetched more tea. The pile of books was nearly finished and many blank pages had been filled in. Essek closed the tome in front of him, boring by even his standards, and slid it to the side. He reached forward to bring another book closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Caleb, have you finished your current read? I can hand you another.” Essek turned to his companion to see Caleb slumped over. For one panicky moment Essek thought some terrible thing had happened, and then he realized Caleb was just asleep. He was leaning against the arm of the couch, head propped up by one hand, the other hand barely holding a book open. Essek reached forward to catch the slipping book and placed it quietly back on the table. Essek felt an indescribable feeling bubble up inside him. He felt… </span>
  <em>
    <span>trusted</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that Caleb would close his eyes and drift off, no worries for what Essek could do while he slept. And he felt...well, it was whatever word was reserved for when your growing secret crush pushes against your heart, making it beat twice as fast and your face grow hot. A strand of copper hair had fallen from the tie holding it back, and then another, as Caleb’s head lolled further sideways. Each strand tempted Essek’s fingers into tucking it back behind his ear, but no, that would be too much of a misstep from </span>
  <em>
    <span>friends</span>
  </em>
  <span> into </span>
  <em>
    <span>something more</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek hadn’t observed much of human sleep, but Caleb didn't look that comfortable. Luckily the room seemed well-equipped for napping, another smart forethought by Caleb he was sure. Essek reached for a pillow and tucked it gently against Caleb’s side, propping him from the edge of the couch. He easily found a nearby blanket to toss over Caleb’s sleeping form, trying not to disturb him too much. It felt much more intimate now to study by Caleb’s side, and Essek slid to the opposite armrest of the couch again. He was hyper aware of the slow breathing beside him, the warmth Caleb seemed to always radiate. Essek picked up the book Caleb had been reading as well as his notes and placed them before himself. He welcomed the distraction that work could bring him. Essek could not change the past, but he could help keep them safer in the future. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>~*~*~</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Caleb woke with a jerk as his head fell off his propped up hand. It was a soft landing though, as there was a pillow against his side. He didn’t quite remember when he fell asleep, but he did know he didn’t have that pillow before. Caleb sat up straight, rolling his shoulders and neck, working out the stiffness from his nap. He glanced to his side and held his breath for a moment. Essek was on the other side of the couch again, a few feet of distance between them, but Caleb could still see the relaxed expression on his face. Essek’s eyes were closed, his lashes brushing down towards his cheekbones, and lips slightly parted. Caleb had never seen his face so open before. Essek looked younger, lighter even, without a tense crease to his brow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was asleep or trancing, Caleb did not know for sure, but he did recognize the book and notes on the table before Essek. He didn’t want to risk waking Essek, rare that peaceful rest seemed to come to him, but curiosity was too strong of a siren. Caleb inched down the couch towards Essek until he was close enough to hear each quiet inhale and exhale. Caleb leaned over and gently pulled his own notes back towards him. There were new additions; neat handwriting accenting Caleb’s messier words, sentences that filled in Caleb’s unfinished thoughts. It was a dance of questions and answers, work that was stronger together. Caleb reread his notes, feeling like something had finally been illuminated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He quietly placed the notes back on the table and turned towards Essek. It was such a private moment to watch, and he felt the intrusion, but the hunger of missing him all these months made Caleb keep watching Essek’s sleeping face. He was handsome, Caleb knew this from the first meeting, all sharp cheekbones and jawline, and eyes that commanded attention. Essek’s resting face was softer, gentler. With his bright eyes closed, Caleb’s focus traced down his cheek, across his nose, and rested along the slope of his lips for far too long. Caleb forced his eyes to look elsewhere, or his heart was going to race right out of his throat. He glanced down, trying to look away, but spotted a smudge of ink on Essek’s chin. Caleb could imagine how; he could clearly picture Essek pausing in between his thoughtful note additions, his hand absentmindedly resting there as he turned a book page.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb’s heart had raced up into his mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He reached forward, the ink smudge whispering to be swiped away, and his fingers grazed Essek’s jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek’s eyes sprung open at first touch, widened in surprise. Caleb immediately started to pull his hand back, his face burning, starting to mutter an apology. But a hand stopped him. Essek had reached quickly up, grasping Caleb’s wrist and holding him in place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stayed frozen for a lingering moment, blue and violet eyes locked in gaze. Caleb felt his chest start to hurt; he was holding his breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek’s expression was clouded in worry, and then his face cleared like a decision made. “I would… very much like for you to kiss me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb was startled, but still didn't pull his hand back. He let out his breath, but didn’t know what to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek’s eyes looked overbright, and a crease was starting to knit his brow back together with each passing silent second. And then after too many frozen moments Essek dropped his own hand away from Caleb's wrist. “Have I so misread this situation as to assume wrongly? Have I misunderstood all those moments in the past, when you and I-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No you haven't.'' Caleb spoke in one rushed breath. “No, but...” There were so many reasons he could give, but all of them now felt flimsy against the warmth of Essek’s face under his fingers, wilted against the heat in Essek’s gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was a bad idea, kissing him would not soothe his past hurt, and Essek </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> hurt him. But who hadn’t? Caleb hurts like he breathes, casts fire and claw against enemies, lies when he knows it's sweeter than the truth, and his past was full of scars. He had become better, not good, but better. And Essek could -</span>
  <em>
    <span>has-</span>
  </em>
  <span> become better too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And good? What was ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>good’</span>
  </em>
  <span>? What was a good idea, a good person? No one he’s loved before has been </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>, that was difficult, impossible even. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Good</span>
  </em>
  <span> cannot contain the nuances of a life, the multitudes of a person. Perhaps...if there was no such </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> idea, that makes a </span>
  <em>
    <span>bad</span>
  </em>
  <span> idea a figment as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As this spiral of rapid thoughts hit Caleb, his fingers still rested gently on Essek’s jaw.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek’s hand reached up again to settle atop Caleb’s, pressing warmly down for one brief moment. “As much as I want you, and do not mistake a single one of my words, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> want, please do not kiss me from obligation, or confusion, or any reason other than desire. Kiss me because you want to. Or don’t at all.” He dropped his hand, his eyes drifting closed again like how Caleb had first found him. Caleb could have laughed if the moment didn't feel so fragile. They were always like this, dancing around each other like it was a game of keepaway. And now Essek had dropped the choice into his court, leaving Caleb lingering on those last words. Essek </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants</span>
  </em>
  <span> him, and while Caleb had strongly suspected, it was still so lovely to hear those words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulled his hand back, and saw Essek’s face shift minutely, the slightest tinge of disappointment, before-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb placed his hand on the back of Essek’s neck, pulling him forward into a kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek’s lips were just as soft as Caleb had imagined, and much warmer and more eager than expected. Essek parted his lips quickly, sucking gently at Caleb’s lower lip like he had been wishing to do that forever. Caleb raised his other hand to Essek’s cheek, brushing his fingers along his ear and jaw, enjoying the quiet gasp he caught from Essek’s mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hands were on him now, Essek reaching for Caleb’s collar, holding him in place against his lips, fingers tensed like he was worried Caleb was about to step back again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mouths opened, heads tilted, the kiss deepened as the minutes passed. Soft gasps and moans were barely louder than the crackling fire in the room. Caleb wanted to kiss him for every second they had spent apart, rewrite <em>what-if</em> thoughts with the warm reality under his fingers. It was like his heart had kicked down a dam and his hands were rushing forward to touch all that they could before the moment disappeared.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb's hands drifted down to Essek’s waist, leaning over to pull his body closer. Essek let out a little moan as Caleb’s fingers brushed below his shirt, leaving goosebumps in their wake. The once comfortable couch seemed too boxy, too confining, and Essek felt their position could be vastly improved if they didn't have to twist so much where they were sitting. He shifted against Caleb, pulling away from his hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t go.” Caleb murmured, his eyes still half-closed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A moment.” Essek kissed him on the tip of his nose with a quiet laugh and pushed Caleb back against the couch. He swung a leg over until he was perched across Caleb's lap, knees on either side of his thighs. Essek could look down into Caleb’s eyes for once, even if it was just a couple inches, and he felt a tingling rush at the thought. Caleb’s hands slid slowly up Essek’s thighs to rest again on his hips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek leaned in to kiss him at this new angle, making Caleb chase after his mouth in between kisses, nipping at his lips like they could play this teasing game all night. He tangled one hand in Caleb's hair, loosening more from its tie, enjoying the silky feel of twisting a long strand around his finger and letting it go. There was a soft amused smile on Caleb’s lips and Essek didn’t think twice about kissing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek wanted… well, he had already gotten something he never thought he could have, and now his mind was drunk with possibilities. He dipped a hand down to Caleb's waist, wanting to untuck his shirt, to let his hands explore further in this reality he could barely believe was actually happening. The blanket he had placed on Caleb was still half tangled between their legs and the couch, an irritating barrier. Essek tugged at it and Caleb reflexively lifted his leg to let the blanket pull out from under him. One fabric obstacle removed, Essek leaned away to toss it to the side, but a terrible clunk sound rang out. An edge of the blanket had brushed across the table, knocking over an ink bottle that was rapidly leaking towards their notes and books. Essek half-fell backwards in his scramble to get up. Caleb sat up straight, eyes suddenly focused as he lept for the bottle and tried to rescue the papers. Essek moved his fingers on instinct, the silver flare of his dunamancy sparking across the table. The bottle stopped rolling. The ink paused mid-stream. With a glance towards Essek, Caleb quickly reached forward to pull the notes out of harm's way and pushed aside the books. He tilted the ink bottle back to standing, the bottle resisting the movement as if encased in something thicker than air. Seeing the disaster averted, Essek dropped his hand and the remaining harmless ink continued its flow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was, ah,” Caleb started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek pressed a hand to his heated face. “I did not mean to take things so far, I know you have limited time, and probably did not want to spend it all kissing me-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb grabbed Essek’s hand, smiling. “No, I simply meant your spell. What a very handy bit of spellwork. Your own invention?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek lips were still tingling, his heartbeat a little scattered, and so he only answered Caleb with a nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb looked at Essek’s hand in his own for a moment. “Please stay.” He whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek leaned in, Caleb’s voice had been so quiet. “Do you mean… with you tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Beyond that.” Caleb looked up, his expression serious but warm. “You were worried there would be no invitation to travel with us, that our friendship had been rescinded. But I… Essek, I have held myself back from things I have wanted for so long, pushing aside happiness for some reason or another… I do not think I can so easily let it go now that there is this chance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek felt something quelled inside him, a nasty little doubt now squished and silent. Caleb </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> him to stay. He blinked a few times. “Yes. I can be here, I can stay. I want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb smiled, the brightest one of the day Essek had seen. “Good.” He said simply. “Good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek didn’t know what to say after that. The silence was pleasant, Caleb’s warm hand still holding his, but the creeping question of ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>what next? how can this work?’</span>
  </em>
  <span> was invading.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pushed that lingering thought aside, focusing on nothing but Caleb’s radiant expression. “So, where to sleep?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, a good question.” Caleb’s grin faltered, only to be replaced with a growing flush. “You have a room here, if you would like. There is a guest room I have outfitted to your taste. I can show you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I would rather…” It was Essek’s turn to feel his face heat again. “There is not much time left, correct? Could I remain here in the library? I do not need to sleep like you do, and this couch is sufficient enough for my trancing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I will stay too.” Caleb reached to his side to pick up the pillow from the couch. “Although I do admit that being so close, I may not fall asleep.” He tapped the side of his head with a small laugh. “My mind, it is racing. But I can rest. I have certainly napped in worse places than this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do not want to keep you from resting-” Essek started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caleb shut him up by propping the pillow against Essek’s legs and lying down. He looked up at Essek with a soft smile. “I prefer this. There is a warm fire, a couch, numerous books...and you. I can think of no better place to lay my head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Essek could not argue with that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Caleb’s eyes closed and after some minutes his breathing slowed to a gentle pace and his expression relaxed. Essek had closed his eyes as well, attempting a trance, but gave up after a restless ten minutes. There was something he itched to do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He dropped a hand down to Caleb’s head, running his fingers through his hair, brushing the strands away from his face. Caleb opened one eye with a small grin and Essek gave him a sheepish smile back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, friend”. Caleb enunciated the ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>friend’</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a way that felt like a symphony to Essek, the word holding a chorus of definitions and possibilities. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After that, it didn’t take Essek much longer to fall back into a restful state. His mind felt clearer and his body so featherlight that he could imagine the tower was carrying him gently up, up, up, and away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope this made you smile as much as it made me while writing :) Love you all fellow shadowgasters! &lt;3</p><p>Thank you for reading, commenting, and kudos. </p><p>(As always, feel free to follow me on <a href="https://rainbowcaleb.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> for more critrole shenanigans, or to prompt me with more fic to write!)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Part two coming very very soon :)</p><p>Thank you for reading, commenting, and kudos. You're all lovely people :)</p><p>(As always, feel free to follow me on <a href="https://rainbowcaleb.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> for more critrole shenanigans, or to prompt me with more fic to write!)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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